I like my title, it gives the appearance that something worthwhile happened in my day. Sadly, nothing happened. Pretty chill day. Thats better than a bad day.

I just got back from the movie thing with Pimpercrombie&Bitch/Pretty Boy/Nice Teeth aka Chris. Boy thats a long name. Anywho, things went okay. Would have been nice to see the movie though; we got rained out (by the way was that proper use of a semi-colon ... in my old age grammar has failed me).

Things with Chris started out shakey (Is that spelled right? Has spelling failed me too?). I went with some friends, and so we were standing around talking/mingling/shooting the breeze and Chris comes up behind me and slaps me on the ass. He slapped me on the ass.

If you ever want to see this girl spit fire, slap her on the ass. I hate that. Okay I like it, but only if someone I like does it. He doesn't know me well enough to touch my ass, let alone slap it.

So of course, I was PISSED. And I had to go to the tactic I that I hate to use. I really hate to do this, but a girl has got to make a statement. He slapped my ass. I grabbed his balls (not too hard)and told him to "never slap my ass again"

He said he was joking and I'm sure that he was, but a girl gotta set some boundaries. Last week he didn't call. The other day he's stalking me. Tonight he's grabbing my ass. I don't think so. You have to nip these things in the bud before they get out of hand. What kind of girl does he I am?

Beyond this fiasco, everything was pretty cool. We talked a little bit. Found out he's from Arkansas. Architecture major. Likes rock climbing, hanging out with his buddies drinking beer (so I smelled), and of course me. He actually seemed decent tonight.

Something keeps telling me to stay away; I should know better. I'm pretty judgemental of REALLY cute guys. Generally, they are self-absorbed, playboys, just looking to get laid and then move on to the next. They charm you out of your pants and bounce. They never call. They move on and leave you to find out that you are one of many. I've been with 2 of these superhot/perfect looking/model boys. My theory, proven right both times. I really not willing to go 3 for 3.

We're going out to lunch Tuesday. It'll give me a chance to snoop out info about him during the weekend. You know the usual stuff, who he hangs with, who he's dated, what he did over the weekend, does he have any kids, is he a weirdo. Just the general scandalous stuff I need to know. I got connections, be warned!!!!!

If everything comes back pretty clean, then I can make my first call to him. He's throwing the ball at me too much, I need to hold it for a little while. I feel like I'm reacting too much, time for the tables to turn.

We'll see. I know one thing for sure, if I were getting laid I would not have to go through all this bullshit. At least if this kinda works out, I can get laid. Just remembered, those pretty boys (or at least the 2 I've had) aren't that great in the bed. Maybe this isn't worth my time. If I'm gonna get laid, I at least like to have it done properly... anything else just cuts into my sleep time.

Peace & Grease

~Mr. Big's Blog Bitch (formerly known as Jen)

So I just started reading a new book today and it made me think about my favorite books. Here are some my favorites:

5.)Greek Mythology
4.)The Color Purple/ Anna Karenina
3.)Black Boy/The Woman Warrior/Joy Luck Club
2.)The Autobiography of Malcolm X
1.)Oh, the Places You'll Go ---> My absolute favorite book in the world.

This list could go on forever, probably into the thousands. Even when I read a book that I don't like, I still find something in them that makes them good. The only exception is textbooks. Textbooks suck!!! Never read a textbook that I liked.

So I'm reading this new book called The Story. Its basically like Bible scriptures put into chapter form and is read more like a novel. Its cool. Its a different take on reading the Bible. I just started it, so I can't wait to see how it progresses.

Everytime I meet a guy that I like and am really interested in, I always ask "what's your favorite book?" The most common answer I get is Maxim (the last time I saw Maxim I could have sworn it was a magazine).

So I like all of you guys (and gals) so I pose the question to you:
What's your favorite book(s)?

Happy reading

~Mr. Big's Blog Bitch (formerly known as Jen)

Just a reminder guys ... STALKING IS ILLEGAL IN ALL FIFTY STATES!!!!!

So I've had a pretty hellish day. This morning had to go get my friend because her car stopped. She was coming back from her boyfriends house and he lives about 45 minutes away. She was like 10 minutes from his house and he wouldn't get her, so guess who goes to get her. Yours truly. And I was pissed.

When I got to campus, couldn't find a parking spot because I was running late. Got a parking ticket. Went and took test. Not quite sure about how I did.

Over ate during lunch. Chicken tenders. Onion rings. Mac and Cheese. Chocolate Ice cream. M&M's. Diet Soda. Needless to say, I felt sick for about two hours.

Finally dragged ass to the gym. While at the gym, I see Pimpercrombie & Bitch (aka Chris). Not too pleased. Whatever, I came to workout and leave. So I kick butt on the stairmaster and run for about 45 minutes despite the fact that my foot hurts like hell. As I was leaving I notice that Chris is leaving too. He was walking in front of me so I thought I was cool. Not so much. There are these mirrors that you pass as you walk out so of course he sees me. Oh shit. I did not want to deal with him. Not that I'm mad or anything ... just ready to go home and shower.

So when we get outside, he speaks. He tells me I look beat. Which I was, but who really wants to hear that they look like shit. I say thanks and keep walking. He wants to talk. I don't. I get in my car and leave. He gets in his truck. He turns out on to the road behind me. Calls me on my cell. Mind you, this is the first time that he has ever called me.

He tells me that he will follow me home if I don't stop and talk to him. I hang up and figure that he's kidding. He isn't. Two lights later the fucker is still behind me. Fuck!!!! I really wasn't in the mood.

He called again to ask me to stop. I was getting close to my house and I definately did not want him to know where I lived. I stopped at this shopping center near my crib.

He gets out of the his truck. I stay in the car. He says he wants to go out. I say I don't. He wants to know why. I tell him that I don't know him that well. He says we can work on that. I was really annoyed. REALLY ANNOYED. Pretty boy never calls and he wants to go out. Our school shows movies from time to time at our football stadium. Usually theres lots of people and its pretty fun. I agreed to meet him there to "hang out" for a while. I'm not that stoked. At least I can take some of my girls with me so I don't feel trapped. The movie is on Friday. I'm so excited ... yeah right.

After we made plans, I told him not to follow me. He said that he was just being persistent; trying to get what he wants. I told him that his act was quite desperate. I drove off.

I don't know if its because I've had this kinda shitty day or because I just wanted to shower or that this guy was actually following me I did not want to be bothered by this guy. I have a bad feeling about him. Something about him screams, player and honestly I don't want to waste my time. We'll see Friday.

By the way, the urge to lick those pretty teeth of his has DEFINATELY pasted. Way gone. Ship has definately sailed.

I'm gonna go take a nap.

~Mr. Big's Blog Bitch (formerly known as Jen)

So I'm studying for this test that I have tomorrow. I notice that tomorrows date is the 29th. Oh my goodness, how the month has slipped away. Wait a minute. I have not had my period this month. What???

This has never happened before. I repeat this has never happened before. I'm like clockwork. I'm nearly two weeks late. I've never been late. I'm the most regular girl I know.

The only thing that troubles me is that I know for sure that I cannot be pregnant (c'mon ya'll know its been way too long for that), so something else must be wrong.

I'm gonna wait it out a few more days. I get very nervous about reproductive health. I've always wanted kids and I've always had a fear of not being able to have them. I hope everything is okay. I'm worried because this has never happened before, so why now all of a sudden.

I really hate going to "that doctor", so I hope everything works out.

~Mr. Big's Blog Bitch (formerly known as Jen)

P.S.) If I happen to be some freak of nature who gets pregnant without having sex, I'm putting all the blame on Mr. Big. Just kidding Shane!!!!!

Today would have been my paternal grandmother's 86th birthday, I think. The fact that I don't even know troubles me. I know that today is her birthday, I'm just not sure of the age.

She died when I was 10. I never got to know her.

Sure I knew her. We visited occassionally on holidays. I had chronic asthma as a child so I never got the chance to spend any summer vacations with her.

I never got to know her story.
I never got to know who she was.

There's something about growing older and getting to know your parents and grandparents as people instead of authority figures. For example:

My mom was about to marry someone else, but my dad (whom she'd known her whole life) came back from Vietnam. She fell in love with him. She left the other guy.

One of the most painful times in my maternal grandmothers life was losing her first child.

Just knowing these things, among others, help me to feel closer to them. It makes them more real to me, not so superficial. There's a better understanding, less generational gap.

I can't help but to wonder what my deceased grandmother's story was.

I miss her so much.

I wish I had been there more. But when you're 10, you feel like everyone is going to live forever and that there will always be time.

There isn't.

I'll never forget when my dad left to go be with my grandmother for her heart surgery. He said "Gran really wants you to be here".

I told him that I'd come the next day (Friday) with my mom when she got off work. I wanted to stay behind and go swimming with a friend on Friday morning.

I didn't even call her before the surgery.

On Friday, I was about to leave to go swimming, my dad called. 11:00 am on the dot. He told me that the surgery had got complicated. They were going to have to replace a valve and do a quadruple bypass.

Not realizing how serious it was, I figured she'd be okay. I went swimming.

I didn't even say a prayer for my grandmother.

About 12:45, while we were at the pool, my sister, who had been at work, came to get me. She said "Gran's not doing well. We need to go home and wait for dad to call".

I began to worry, but my naive child self thought she would be okay. Everything would work out. Everything works out when you're 10.

We sat in the kitchen and waited.

When my mom came home, I was ready to go. Now so anxious to see Gran.

It was around 3pm and she told my sister and I to go get something to eat while she waited for my dad to call.

My sister and I went and ate.

When we returned I asked her had dad called.

"He called Jen. Gran didn't make it. She passed about 30 minutes ago."

I slumped to the ground, but I didn't cry.

I didn't even cry at the funeral.

I was too upset with myself. I was beating myself up. I didn't deserve to cry. I watched everyone else cry. They had all been there for her, they deserved to cry. Not me.

After her funeral, I tortured myself. Not eating, sleeping, or playing. Blamed myself constantly for being a bad granddaughter.

To this day I still blame myself for not being there.

If anything, her death taught me to ALWAYS be there for my family. No thing, person, or event is a good enough excuse to not be there for family.

I thank her for this lesson.

I'm still plagued by guilt and always will be. I'm so sorry and I hope that she can forgive me.

Happy Birthday Gran

~Jen