So I can check one thing off my list of things to worry about. Everything is checking out in the body department,(note to Mr. Big: I guess the baby thing is off).

So Chris and I went to this concert last night. It was an outdoor concert and the weather was perfect. The music was this guy who is a singer/song writer. It was cool, it was mostly an accoustic set. I really enjoyed it.

I got to meet some of Chris's friends. He seemed interested for me to meet his friends, which was a good thing. At least he wasn't hiding me from them.

After, we went and got coffee at this place near campus. Its to early to tell if he is being sincere or just putting on an act (which I suspect), but he is really doing everything right. Opening doors, not taking calls on his cell, and he has actually called me everyday this week, not to mention that he didn't try to kiss me until last night. I can't tell if this is part of his agenda or if he is just a really nice guy.

So about the kiss. It was good. Not great, but good. It was a good kiss. A very long good kiss. I was glad that he didn't get too overly aggressive and try to turn it into a this long make out session (though, I probably wouldn't have minded). He seems to not be rushing things, which is cool. I'm probably not giving the vibe that I want to be rushed. By the way, I didn't lick his teeth.

He's having a BBQ tomorrow, if it doesn't rain. He wants me to bring some friends. So we'll probably just hang out tomorrow. He seems sweet, but in the back of my head I can't forget him and that chick in the back of that car. What kind of guy does that? Can I be with a guy like that? Was that an isolated incident? I'm over analyzing ... I think I'll just focus on the free beer and chicken for now.

How Bout Them Mavericks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do you spell MVP? N-O-W-I-T-Z-K-I !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stay Dry
~Mr. Big's Blog Bitch (formerly known as Jen)

So I've become increasingly fed up with school lately and I've been just wondering about my life. Will things turn out the way I want them to?

I was wondering about school. Will I ever get out? I feel like I on a path to being a career student. I feel trapped in the walls of the University; like a little mouse running through a maze looking for an exit. I'm at the point where I feel as much as I learn, I still don't know anything. The real education, I think, is taking all the knowledge you have (whether it came from schooling or the streets or whatever) and turning that into something you can profit with. They don't teach classes for that; they make you pay for the really easy shit and you have to figure out the hard shit on your own.

Supposing I do actually (dare I say) graduate, I was wondering what I may do next. I've been doing makeup here and there since I decided that I wanted to try that. The problem is that I end up spending more on makeup than what I charge. I'm basically breaking even, which means that I don't make any profit. The profit, right now, isn't my main concern. If I really want to do this, I've got to expand. I've got to move into a hair salon, a studio, or something. In order for me to be able to service many different types of people I need to get my products cheaper, so that I'm not spending so much. Then there is the other part of me that feels I should be doing something more valuable. I will have a degree in Political Science and English, I should be more than a makeup artist. I have a genuine concern for people in social and political circumstances that are out of their control. There is a part of me that wants to travel the globe, starting from this country and going abroad, to help those in dire circumstances. How? I've thought about the Peace Corps, but my mom is very against the idea. And then of course there is the money situation. My parents expect me to get a very well paid job and to be honest (even though you need it)money really doesn't matter to me. The jobs that I have looked at are for non-profit organizations that don't pay much. My parents would rather have me work in some stuffy corporate America job. I have lots of nice things as far as designer clothes and stuff, but I could honestly do without them. I guess I don't how to find the balance, if there is one, between all of these things.

So I got an invitation last week from a high school friend that is getting married this summer and I was just wondering if and when that will happen for me. I know that me and Chris have been going out lately, but I can tell its just a short term thing. What about after him, then what (or who)? I know that you can't go looking for love it sort of finds you, but given my track record things just don't look good. In every serious relationship that I have deeply invested in, I have always been cheated on. I feel like even when I'm at my best, I'm still not good enough, that I have to be or do something extra. That is so tiring. In the back of my head, I still feel that when the next good relationship comes along, I'm still not going to be good enough. Somethings gonna be better and that guy is gonna go cheat and it will be all over.

So I was just wondering ............................

~Mr. Big's Blog Bitch(formerly known as Jen)

Today is a lovely day. Nice, bright, pretty, sunny, warm but not hot, breezy day. I love this kind of weather. It makes me want to go shopping, too bad I don't have any money.

I went to lunch with Chris today. After yesterday I felt like I needed to be taken out. Had this hellish test yesterday, which I know I did not pass because I did not finish it. Got an A on a test in a another class, so I felt a little bit better. Went to class today and found out that I failed that test. I am actually trying and studying. I'm going to class and I'm still not passing. I know I'm not stupid, so what is going on here. I can't afford to fuck up any more. So I've been pretty pissed off.

I did all my homework on Chris and everything turned up pretty clean. No kids, nothing too weird about him. He dated this girl Mandy for a year and they broke up this summer, so from what I was told by a friend of his, he's not looking to get tied down.

So me and Chris went to Chilli's, which I really don't like, but its the only restaurant without a drive thru window in town. We actually had a good time. We talked a lot about sports, which I liked. He's a big Mavericks fan and that was cool to find out. Overall, he seemed pretty chill. He wasn't rude, he was nice. Not to pushy or cocky. All I can say is that he was nice.

We are going to this concert Thursday. Things are looking up for pretty boy.

Now I gotta dash off to the gym, so I can comeback and despair about my situation in school. I have to write a paper about the Bush administration. Its an extra credit thing, since I am not a Bush fan I wasn't going to do it, but I figured I might as well. My school is ultra conservative, so I want to knock these Young Republicans on their asses.

~Mr.Big's Blog Bitch(formerly known as Jen)

Today I found ..... I can't believe I found...... I don't even want to type it .... I found a gray hair. I found a gray hair in my head. A granny gray hair. I have dark hair, so it was obviously gray. I am troubled about this. Is my youth now failing me too? When there is one there will be more. I completely panicked and since I am going home next week for Easter, I will be making a beeline to my colorist. A gray hair ... I'm 22. What's next wrinkles?

I've had a laundry list of things to worry about, but now I have to add gray hair to the list. Anderson Cooper wrote this article about gray hair, and I have to concur that gray headed chicks just ain't sexy. You all should check out the article. I don't know how to post a link but its at cnn.com/360 and then scroll to the bottom and you'll see a link for his articles in Details.

By the way, let me just mention that I am completely fucked up about daylight savings time. Today I've been in catch up mode all day. Even though I set my clocks forward last night, I still wake up an hour late. What felt like 10 am was 11am, I 've been running behind all. My clocks are set ahead, but my body is an hour behind. I hope tomorrow goes well, I got a very important test. Wish me luck.

~Mr. Big's Blog Bitch (formerly known as Jen)

So I was in the library studying and to my suprise Pretty boy/ Chris called. We were having a nice conversation and he decides that he wanted to see me so he came by the library.

We talked more and we were actually having a nice conversation. He seemed really cool and chill. Then he starts to jump into his bag of tricks, saying that he could really see himself with me and that we would be really good together.

Wow, I thought he'd save those lines for our lunch date (I hate that word). Just when I thought he was kinda decent he goes for the "okey doke". His lies feigned sincerity, but I'm sure that is just a craft he has picked up over the years.

Am I in love with this guy? Clearly not. Do I want to someday marry this guy? I think not. All I want to do is get to know this guy. Make sure he's not a total bastard, so that I can get a little action out of the deal until Mr. Right comes along. Sounds a little cruel I know, but its true. Unlike Mr. Feed 'em Crap, I can be honest about my intentions. His attempt to woo me was cute. I'm mean those green/blue eyes were sparkling, but I'ma a big girl ... that type of baiting hasn't worked since high school.

I'm still doing my homework on him so the jury is still out. He's trying too hard, so I'm assuming his fling with that other chick must be over. He's on the hunt for some ass .... if he plays his cards right it could be me. But for the relationship bullshit he was talking today .... fuck that.

~Mr.Big's Blog Bitch (formerly known as Jen)