Mr. Big has left the blog. I'm crushed. Shane's blog was the first blog I started reading on here. He's so funny and real;he'll be back, I know he will be.

I was all set to blog and now after that news ... I just don't know.

I guess I'll tell you about the weird dream that I had the other night. Its kinda graphic so be prepared.

In the dream, I was about to have sex with this guy. Don't know who he was, never seen him before in my life, he just appeared in this dream. He was kinda short and he was very fat. Not just overweight, out of shape, or even (my favorite word) husky. He was Fat Bastard fat.

Disgusting as this was, in my dream I was so desperate to have sex, that I figured that this dude would suffice.

Then it was like the weirdest thing happened. I forgot how to have sex. I did not know what to do. So he was on top and was trying to get it in, and it would not go. He was breathing all hard and sweating, but nothing. So we switch it up and I get on top and still nothing, no go. In my desperation, I pleading to him that it will work and that I can actually do this. He starts aking me if I was a virgin and I'm trying to convince him that I am not.

In my shameful attempt to make something happen, I was moving too much and then I put my knee in the wrong place (I'm sure you can guess where) and shifted my weight wrong, and all I can remember in this dream was the guy screaming "You hurt my dick, my dick hurts". And he's screaming away and I'm apologizing over and over again. Then I started crying and apologizing. And of course, the guy limps out of the door and my dream.

That was a wild dream. See what the dry spell is doing to me.

I told my friend and she said why don't you just have sex with Chris.

Prior to the dream it had been a consideration. But, now clearly I can't. I don't have my mojo ... what I like to refer to as my Sexy Bitch. She's gone. I gotta have my Sexy Bitch to do Chris ... he's too perfect, I can't bring my D game ... its gotta be A game.

What is my Sexy Bitch you might ask? Its not trying to be sexy, but knowing that you are. Its like an inner confidence thing. It has nothing to do with the guy, its all about you, how you feel. Sexy Bitch gives you the confidence to be in control and handle your business. She's quite dangerous. Chris and that body ... only SB could handle that.

Right now, I feel out of the loop. Like I gotta get my confidence back up. I'm going home tomorrow... think I'll call the ex boyfriend, see what's up. He's been busy with school, so I'm sure he's needing some about now.

This dream was an eye opener. I better get some before I dry up. No wonder I'm so back & forth with Chris. I need to get laid to clear my mind. Think I'll put that friendship talk on hold for now; we're going to lunch tomorrow and sounds like the STD talk is in order.

Ladies and Gentleman, the next time you hear from me the streak will have come to an end. Enough is Enough !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Jen

Boy I'm posting like crazy tonight. I really need to take my ass to bed.

Anywhoo, I found out that Chris is definately feeding me the crap. He came by to bring me some flowers to cheer me up about my bad test grade ( I made a 47, which was actually the 6th highest in the class; the lowest grade was a 9... damn grade fucker).

He brought me flowers. Some girls would find this sweet or romantic, that girl isn't me. I needed proof I was being fed the crap and this was it. Had to set the record straight.

I told young Chris while I appreciated his flowers and his sincere act that he has been putting up for the last few days, that I have no intention on sleeping with him in the near future and that if he was hoping to accomplish this feat by feeding me bullshit he might want to move on to someone else who would fall for that crap.

He faked like I hurt his feelings, so I told him to just be real with me, which of course took a lot of prodding. But from his mouth to my ears, he tells me that he thought I would be a easy piece of ass, but now he is intrigued by the challenge and wants to get to know me because he feels like we could have more than just a random hook up. He also tells me that he is sick of random hook ups (which I think is more crap, what 22 year old is tired of no strings attached ass).

I told him that I appreciated his prodded honesty.

Now its time for me to shit or get off the pot. I need to decide what my intentions are with this guy. I like hanging out, but I don't know if I want a boyfriend. But then I have the whole sex thing clouding my judgement (which reminds me about the sex dream I had last night ...I'll have to tell about it tomorrow). I think we will be better just being friends.

Guess, I'll have the friendship talk sometime this week then.

Okay no more posts, I'm going to bed. I'll post about that dream tomorrow, its kinda graphic but its funny.

~Jen

I stole this from Mr. Adam Warlock ............

This is from Lover2's site at Life of a married women. I in turn got if from BlackNapalm's post. And as he did I will answer the questions.

Guilty or Innocent?

This is the Guilty Game. Next to the questions, put your answers as either guilty or innocent. Guilty if you have, innocent if you haven't. Re-post and see what others have or have not done! No pleading the 5th.

Dated outside your race?
guilty

Have a one night stand?
guilty (its not what you think, if u wanna know just ask)

Hooked up on the first date?
innocent

Singing in the shower?
guilty

Spit in someones drink?
innocent

Played with Barbies?
guilty

Made someone cry?
guilty

Lied to a friend?
guilty

Seen "The Goonies" more than 10 times?
guilty

Played a Computer game for more than 5 hours?
innocent

Ran through the sprinklers naked?
innocent

Ate food that fell on the floor?
guilty

Went outside naked?
innocent

Got caught cheatin?
innocent

Got caught doing the 'deed'?
guilty

Flashed somebody?
innocent

Mooned somebody?
innocent

Been on stage?
guilty

Been on stage naked or close to it?
innocent

Been in a parade?
guilty

Been in a school play?
guilty

Drank beer?
guilty

Gotten detention?
guilty

Been on a plane?
guilty

Been on a cruise?
innocent

Broken into a house?
innocent

Gotten a tattoo?
guilty

Gotten piercings?
innocent

Gotten into a fist fight?
guilty

Gotten into a shouting match?
guilty

Swallowed sea/pool water?
guilty

Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose?
guilty

Laughed so hard it hurt?
guilty

Tripped on your own feet?
guilty

Had sex with more than one person in a day?
innocent

Cried yourself to sleep?
guilty

Cried in public?
guilty

Thrown up in public?
guilty

Lied to your parents?
guilty

Skipped class?
guilty

Cried so hard you stopped breathing?
guilty

Lied somewhere on this survey?
innocent

So I'm watching Anderson Cooper tonight, and after many nights of watching the immigration coverage on this show and others (not to mention numerous class discussions on it), I have decided to share my stance on immigration.

I am conflicted on this issue, but the bottom line I think is that all illegal immigrants living in the United States should be granted citizenship.

Yes, I've already been told that I must be smoking crack.

Technically, I know that those immigrants who entered this country illegally have broken the law. I do not condone this, but I cannot condemn those who have come to this great nation to seek a better life for themselves and their families. Perhaps if I lived on the other side of our southern border, I may find myself in the same situation.

Immigrants support our work force in a way that is valuable, and for that we should be thankful. Immigrants propel our economy. Many immigrants also pay taxes. They live lives just like many Americans.

I definately agree that border security must improve. We can no longer allow immigrants to enter this country illegally. Forces must continue to on the U.S. side but on the Mexican side as well. Maybe it is just wishful thinking, but if we could help to boost the economy in Mexico, maybe there would be no need to leave their country to come to ours.

My mind is swirling with ideas and thoughts right now, so I don't want to further elaborate. I think I'll take some time to write these thoughts out. There are so many issues at hand that I would hate to not mention an issue or be too general in addressing an issue. This has to deal with the lives of other people and I really want to respect that.

Just one thing I would like to remind everyone, not all immigrants are from Mexico or Latin American countries. Immigrants come all over the world to this country. Someone made a statement in one of my classes that the Mexicans should just go home. Then what about the Irish, Chinese, Cuban, Nigerian, Canadian, etc. I feel like we need to open our eyes and respect the choice that these people have made to come to our country, legal or not. Didn't all of our ancestors, in some way, shape, or form, come here as immigrants?

One last thing, what about "celebrities" who come from other countries? Why is it so easy for them to gain citizenship? Oh yeah, I forgot. They usually generate millions of dollars. But as working class citizens know, the few percentage of people who are millionaires don't prop up the economy, the working middle class does this. So if this is true, isn't the working middle class immigrant more important than a so called "celebrity". Why doesn't someone suggest that Salma Hayek, Nicole Kidman, Collin Farrell, and Pamela Anderson to go back to their respective countries? "Celebrities" always seem to get a free pass.

Be on the lookout for more of my thoughts on immigration.

~Jen

I sense that it is coming. I can tell by the way I feel. Black Monday is approaching. You can run. You can duck. You can hide, but you can't escape Black Monday. Maybe I'm just dreading getting this test back tomorrow. I may have actually gotten a zero on this test. I studied my ass off. And not cramming, I actually studied a little bit each day for two weeks. This teacher is a what we like to call a "grade fucker"; no matter what you do this teacher will find a way to fuck with your grade. Lets just say I'm not looking forward to this class tomorrow, but at least it is my first class tomorrow. Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yesterday, the BBQ at Chris's went fantastic. Lots of friends. Lots of beer. Lots of good fun. My friends that didn't know Chris already (I found out we had some mutual friends) kind of got the same vibe that I got. They can't tell if he's really sincere or just feeding me the crap. They all said the only way to tell if I'm being fed the crap is to sleep with him and then see how he acts. Unfortunately, I'm nowhere near the point where I'm thinking about sleeping with him. I know I haven't had any in a while, but I'm not down for the casual sex thing. I have to get to know a person and feel comfortable with that person. And I need a complete STD screen (I hear that herpes is lurking around this campus among many other things). I don't want this situation to end up with me feeling like I've been played.

I found my old Book of Questions today and I thought that at random I'd pick one and share my answer, so here we go

Question #32: Would you accept twenty years of extraordinary happiness and fufillment if it meant you would die at the end of the period?

Answer: This is a tough one. I think happiness is relative; happiness or the idea of happiness is what you make of it. If you put yourself in the mindset that everyday is going to be a happy one, you can achieve that. However, this would require extreme patience and will power to deal with life's extinuating circumstances. I don't think I'm a person who can will herself to believe that she can have a happy day everyday, but then again I wouldn't want to live everyday like that. How do you learn the lessons that life had to teach you? If you woke up everyday knowing that the sun was going to be shining and that everything would be perfect, why the hell get out of bed. Life is about mystery and possibility and discovery. Personally, I think a little conflict and confusion is good, it allows us to reinvent and re-evaluate ourselves. Bottom line: Its not that I'm afraid of dying in twenty years, but I feel that life is supposed to be lived. Why take the pretty paved path, when you can take that old bumpy, non-paved, dirt road that winds around hills, and has rocks that get in the way. Sure its more complicated, but its lessons are more valuable. As my dad says "nothing worth anything is handed to you".

What do ya'll think?

~Jen (Since Mr. Big's been a no show for a while, I'll have to refrain from calling myself Mr. Big's Blog Bitch)